Jill (jill_mbs) wrote,

Feeling a lot better about things in general. I realized that a big thing that was really making the depression about the breakup worse is that I had just moved out of my own place that I really liked in with my mom to pay off all my bills so I could move over the hill at the end of the summer. A big reason for this was to be closer to TJ and after this happened, everything in the Valley reminds me of him and obviously being closer to him is not an interest of mine anymore. So, on top of dealing with the depression about what he did and not being with him anymore, I'm also stuck in this transitional stage where I'm staying at my mom's house (which I don't like but was dealing with because I had the move to look forward to), I gave my notice at work and I'd already started getting rid of my stuff to make the move easier. Now, I've been stuck hating being over the hill because it reminds me of TJ but still wanting to live over there and being let down from what I had been planning for knowing it now wasn't going to be. I noticed this factor has made this situation a lot harder because I'm not happy with my surroundings.

Something lorikitty said in a response to one of my postings really shifted my thinking about how I feel about what happened with TJ. And I was over the hill in Wednesday night, in San Jose Saturday helping my friend move from Morgan Hill to there and I was back over the hill again on Sunday in Fremont. I still like being over there as long as I don't associate everything with sad memories of TJ. So, I'm still thinking about moving over there. I think after a couple of months, I should be able to be over there without any problem. Saturday night was really hard because I usually would have been spending the night at his house instead of driving back to Santa Cruz and then we would have spent Sunday together. But I was fine and not sad all day Sunday. That is really big since the past 2 Sundays I've been really miserable. I still miss him a lot and miss hanging out with him but I'm not so sad anymore.

I think it will still be a while before I can hang out with him again, but at least I'm not so miserable anymore. I still dream about him every morning and wake up from the dream between 3-5am sad and can't go back to sleep for awhile.

I did the weigh in this morning and only lost a pound since last Monday. However, I weighed a pound less than I did today last Wednesday. I worked out a lot over the weekend and ate sushi last night which is a lot of carbs (because of the rice). So, I'm not worried about it. I'm still doing it even harder than before and I'm still noticing huge changes in the way my clothes are fitting.
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