Current location:	work
Current mood:	complacent

Sorry I haven't been posting anymore. I read all your postings sporadically but I haven't felt compelled to update myself. Live Journal is something that I started doing on TJ's suggestion and using it reminds me of him. I don't miss him but it reminds me of events that still anger me occasionally (if I think about them and that's usually when people bring it up). As I think I've mentioned before (not wanting to read back and remind myself of what I had to go through with him in order to see what I have posted), the further I move away from that time of my life, the more I realize how miserable I was. People told me. I didn't listen. I thought I was happy. Since then, I have realized a pattern in my life. I am miserable in relationships. It had nothing to do with TJ as a person. I start out great and liking them and then I suddenly, rapidly become miserable and depressed. And I don't realize it. I fake happiness and contentment to myself to avoid the fact that I am anything but. Maybe I pick the wrong people? That has been evident, thus far. Yet, I feel there's more to it than that. Looking back, I had become a shell of my former self. This is not the first time it's happened. And now, I have been dating a couple really great guys and it's nauseating to think of moving any further with any of them because I don't want to get how I get in relationships. TJ and I are trying to remain friends. We haven't seen each other in a few months. I still have no desire to hang out with him. After breaking up with any ex, I usually never speak to them again. I have that desire now but I am trying to break that pattern. I don't know if I will be successful in that because I'm still angry about it.

On a more cheerful, light note I'm finally all moved in to my new apartment in San Jose. It's a 1 bedroom in a great complex. I've had my own studio before but this is a real apartment which is really cool. It's nice to have my own space. The commute can be somewhat hard (52 minutes each direction to work). But it's a nice drive and I don't do it every day. I still spend the night in Santa Cruz a couple to a few nights a week.

For those of you in the South Bay, my complex is off 280 (the 1st Meridian exit), off Race St.

School starts in a month and I have a crazy schedule.